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Year 9

LIFE IS A NUISANCE
Thanks to Testosterone

My favorite quote is one I conjured up in the 70s when the local folks were trying their damndest to destroy me and run me out of town (Harper): “If I can just get through life, I’ll have it made.” I had it taped on my kitchen stove for years, always a reminder that I could endure “one more thing.”

Today, as I approach the other end of life’s spectrum, I can now look back and see that I have done a fairly commendable job of “getting through life,” learning to overcome one obstacle after another, while blazing un-chartered territory in this minute corner of the world. I’ve always felt it was important to live a life to the best of my ability, not caring about the impact on history or others, and being honest with myself, so I could fall peacefully asleep at night with a clear conscience, and feel that in some small way I made a tiny bit of difference towards a better world. Much to my naivete, I’ve learned that most people can’t sleep at night with that kind of peacefulness.

I’ve also finally figured out that as long as there are men in this world with an abundance of testosterone, we are going to have nuisances of one sort or another. Think about it. Testosterone causes war, violence and murders. It causes power struggles and control freaks. Testosterone creates one upmanship, bullying, slapping, hitting, beatings, conniving, ridicule. This list goes on and on. That’s not to say that some female hormones don’t surge at times and create similar destructive tendencies, but over all, it’s the males, not the females, who cause the chronic havoc in our world.

Until scientists want to figure out a way to “control” testosterone production in males, The Balmer Fund must be prepared after I am gone for anything that might come down the pike.

Too much testosterone is a reason to strive for balance of females/males on The Balmer Fund board. Females tend to save historic buildings, rather than taking the easy way out: “Oh hell, just bulldoze it. It isn’t worth saving.” That is not a dumb person saying that--it is only someone with too much testosterone speaking.

I travel thousands of miles a year to small towns all over the prairies. I observe a lot. Mostly what I see is a bunch of smug, self-righteous communities that think they are the center of the universe, and they are not about to reach out and connect with folks in a neighboring community. They don’t want outsiders moving there, even while they are loudly crying, “Our small towns are dying. We have so many empty houses.” DUH!

Surely, that smugness and self-righteousness of “we’re the only ones” is the kiss of death. In this age of global communication and travel, how can we be so staid and smug as to shut out our neighbors in the next community? If we don’t start to intermingle and support one another, we will cease to exist within 25 years. Don’t believe me? Where’s Corwin and Waldron, KS? Who stops at Nash, OK? Where’s Deer Creek? Or Cairo? The list goes on and on. But you can bet it was testosterone that kept those communities “enclosed” so no outsiders could move in and help them grow again.

As I’ve been traveling since 1994, I know quite a few people. What is shocking, and sad to me is that in all these years, almost none of these friendly folks have ever come to Harper and attended any event of The Balmer Fund, even when I personally invite them. (I can count on one hand those that have made reciprocal visits.) The excuses are repetitive in every community: “Oh, I just never travel.” “I just stay around town. I don’t even shop in Wichita (or Enid, Dodge City) much.” “I am so busy with sports, I don’t have time to do anything else.” “I don’t have time.” It’s as if they are proud to be narrow and limited in their thinking! Proud to be in-grown. Proud to shut out their neighbors down the road. And for women, proud to have their husbands tell them to stay at home and cook, and never travel alone. (There goes the testosterone again)

GET OFF YOUR FAT FEET AND TRAVEL

Well, wake up and smell the fresh cow manure, people....if you can’t get off your fat feet and see what’s 30 or 75 miles down the road, none of your little towns are going to be long for this earth. Your epitaphs should read: “Whining All the Way to the Grave: My Feet Are Fat”

So what is the future Balmer Fund Board to do when the small towns have disappeared, and there aren’t any buildings left standing to save? Well, it can become big, corporate and corrupt, milking estates for excessive gifts with slick talk and paying huge salaries to the officers. Let testosterone rule!

I am being facetious, of course. (You’d be surprised at the people who don’t grasp my humor!) There will still be plenty of projects for future generations. It isn’t easy maintaining an historic building. There must be continual education of children to keep history alive. Maintaining the properties and education of the young should be paramount projects for the organization. Also, keeping this publication going would also be a valued project, as it continues to enlighten, educate and entertain. There are plenty of staid and formal preservation journals out there for purists. We believe that our laughter and fresh thought keeps the wheels of humanity running smoother. For example, can you see a publication from the Kansas State Historic Society having an article about testosterone being the root of historic preservation problems? You will remember the gist of this article longer than one of theirs, I expect.

Harper is in a choice location to have some sort of future in 25 years, if they don’t blow it the way they have the past fifty years. Sadly, the rampant testosterone excess, or lack thereof, has blinded their long term vision. But due to the proximity to Wichita, Harper will likely survive by default, but possibly only as a boring bedroom community with a “toxic” landfill nearby to keep the cancer rate high. It could have a thriving little downtown shopping district with entertainment to attract plenty of visitors, but we all know those sad testosterone-laced attacks that The Balmer Fund has been working hard to surmount for the past 12 years.

But other small towns probably aren’t going to fare as well as Harper as they are not in the right location. It takes astute leadership, clever marketing to bring new people to a “destination” location, and an open-minded community to promote growth. Remember the restaurant covered with vintage metal signs that operated for years in Sitka, KS? I first heard about it when I lived in Kansas City--it was known far and wide. But since it closed, and the signs were removed, who even knows where Sitka is any more? Brookville had a famous restaurant for almost a century but once it moved, who drives to Brookville anymore?

DON’T LET THE DREAMS LAPSE

What The Balmer Fund can learn from these lessons is that they better keep churning the dreams and do not let them lapse. Vote in one lazy leader, and it’s all over with. Ideally, to survive in the future, The Balmer Fund Board must continue to have active members that can kick behinds, cooperate, help with fundraising, gives a damn, and has fire under them. Yes, it is very hard to find people with that kind of zeal, honesty, vision, time, energy and personal commitment, but at least it is a goal to work towards; it is better than not trying at all.

As long as the Board stays true to its roots and remains realistic, it can overcome all of the nuisances that life offers. That has been proven. And trust me, there will be plenty more nuisances coming down the pike, as long as men produce testosterone and women pretend they don’t.

“Preserving the history, art & culture of the prairies for future generations. since 1994 -- despite testosterone.”

Copyright © Historicity, Inc., 121 West Main St., Harper, KS 67058